My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
