I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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