How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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