Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
