Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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