is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
