He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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