3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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