I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
