some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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