You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
