i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
