I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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