I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
