so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
