I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
