me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
