i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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