did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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