Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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