Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
