he told me I talked like a deaf person
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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