i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
porn star boner night. come get it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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