when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
