when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
