Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
