fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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