Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
