I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
