I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
