i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
