My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
