I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
