Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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