so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
