Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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