I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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