): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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