she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
