did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
