i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
