Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
