Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
