its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
