Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
