A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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