so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
