dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My breasts were aching with rage.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
