only you would photoshop your dick
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
