When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
