i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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