So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
third nipple confirmed
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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