only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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